Stella Goddard

BA (Hons) Counselling
Registered and Accredited Counsellor BACP, Registered and Accredited Counsellor ACC,
Registered Accredited Professional NCPS
Recognised Registered and Accredited Counsellor with Bupa, Aviva and Cigna

Why am I so busy?


Busy being ‘successful?’


This article will consider what being busy means to us. It could be that it means we are ‘very successful.’ (whatever that means.) Being permanently available can lead to us experiencing exhaustion, burnout, stress and anxiety, difficulty concentrating, not sleeping or eating well. We may also find that we lose our tempers as our energy and patience is stretched. We may also be indecisive or make mistakes that we wouldn’t make if we were well-rested and taking good care of ourselves. Our relationships will be under pressure as we are not present either emotionally or physically. Clearly this list is not exhaustive.

Busy due to struggles?

Maybe we are busy struggling trying to make ends meet and put food on the table. We all have a limit and a point at which our mental and physical health will break down. We may be under pressure to ‘get on with it.’ This can happen a lot with men who want to be strong and seen to be strong and not vulnerable in any way. I am aware too that for women this may also be the case.

Demands and Expectations

The kind of work that we do or life or family expectations and demands will make a difference as to how busy we are and where we place our focus. Our expectations of ourselves and the expectations of other people matter. Are they reasonable and realistic? We may feel that we don’t have time to slow down and consider what it is that we need. If we don’t slow down, eventually we will collapse. When this happens we may be taken by surprise and wonder what is ‘wrong with us.’ This can be an anxiety provoking place to be.

Some coping strategies

We may find that we turn to alcohol, drugs or other risk-taking behaviours as a way of numbing or escaping the distress we are experiencing. It is vital that we ask for help – I am aware that for some people this is extremely difficult – they may perceive it as weak or shameful that they are not coping.

The importance of self-awareness

We may ask ‘what is wrong with me?’ ‘what is happening to me?’ ‘ why can’t I cope?’

If we are in a crisis it can be very difficult to be self-aware because we are in survival mode.

What are other people saying?

It could be that work colleagues, family or friends are expressing concern – do we listen or become defensive?

Slow down

It can be helpful to slow down – make it a priority to find physical and emotional space for yourself. Ask for the support of those whom you trust and who care about you. Set some boundaries – ‘say no’ or ‘not now’ (I understand that this is not always easy).

You matter

We all have instrinic worth – you matter. When we take good care of ourselves we are better able to have healthy relationships personally and professionally. It is not selfish to take care of your needs.

Professional help?

It may be that you are not sure where to begin to unravel your experience – perhaps professional support would help.